Consultant, author and speaker Mitch Carnell says dialogue between Christians of different denominations can often look more like the Tower of Babel than Pentecost.

That’s why he edited a new book, Christian Civility in an Uncivil World (Smyth & Helwys Publishing), a collection of essays from Baptist, Catholic, Episcopalian, evangelical and United Methodist contributors that shows how Christians can “explore ways for people of faith to talk to and about each other in a way that glorifies God and advances God’s kingdom.”

“It is possible,” writes Mr. Carnell, a Baptist layman, “for Christians to retain their differences and yet unite in respect for each other.” He spoke recently with managing editor Robin Russell.

Christians have always had differing opinions on theology and practice. Why is it so difficult today for us to be civil with one another?
I think it’s probably because our entire society in this country is divided about so many issues, and religion gets to be a part of that. And I think we have in many ways taken the foul rhetoric from the marketplace into religion. On the other hand, I think various churches in denominations have failed to lead in showing the ways that we can cooperate with one another.

What would civility look like among Christians?
I think we would recognize that basically we all believe some of the same things, and that we need to learn to respect each other and have dialogue with each other without becoming hostile. For instance, my own church, First Baptist Church of Charleston (S.C.), is actually the oldest Southern Baptist church in the South, formed in 1682. Our early ministers started inviting speakers with whom they did not necessarily agree. They felt the congregation needed to hear the various viewpoints. In 1751, the church passed a covenant that said, “We will live in harmony with all people and with Christians of whatever stripe in particular.” As you know, there has been lots of controversy in the Southern Baptist Convention as well as in other churches, but we have continued our tradition of inviting speakers from various groups.

United Methodist Bishop Sally Dyck points out in one of the chapters that John Wesley saw Christian conferencing as a means of grace, yet so often it seems to be anything but grace-filled.
I have been a church moderator on and off several times. And I tell people there’s nothing more unchristian than Christians in a business meeting! That’s what drew me to Sally Dyck—her writing on holy conferencing. I just felt that that whole idea and the way she presented it was just wonderful.

What did you learn from her about how we can maintain our convictions yet be respectful of others?
What I learned from her is that you have to do lots of preparation, as you guys did before General Conference. The amazing thing was they gained a lot of this from the youth groups, and were able to take that over and sort of get people to agree to the rules before they got to the conference. I thought the preparation that she and the various committees did was just wonderful.

Do you think that some Christians today are afraid that reaching a “consensus” would compromise their beliefs?
I really think that’s true. For instance, we started at First Baptist something called “Say Something Nice Sunday,” the first Sunday in June every year. And you would think, “Now what could be less controversial than that?” But we were accused of watering down the gospel. And we were told that Christians are not supposed to be nice to non-Christians. We’re supposed to tell them that they’re convicted and that they are eternally lost. And that’s just so far from the gospel. The editor of the Florida Southern Baptist paper wrote a full-page editorial saying exactly that. He called it “Gospel-Free Sunday.” I mean, c’mon. You can’t even do something like have a “say something nice Sunday” without people being critical.

Jimmy Allen, coordinator of the New Baptist Covenant, writes when people who seek political and denominational power prey on the fears of people of faith, civility disappears. What are Christians afraid of?
I think Christians see so much change in the world, and I think many of us have not grown up from our childhood days and we’re afraid that our security blanket is going to be taken away from us. The things that we have believed or have been taught to believe—if we read some different interpretations, then that somehow diminishes what we’ve been taught, and it’s scary. People are resistant to change on any issue, even when they know that change is good for them. And religion, in some ways, is our last security blanket.

Richard J. Mouw, Fuller Theological Seminary president, says good manners are essential for public Christians. Yet Christians often seem to prefer to make themselves heard rather than serve others. What makes for good manners in public?
He has a wonderful book out called Uncommon Decency, which just sets forth the marvelous ways that we can agree to disagree. I think we need to listen more than we talk, and our society does not reward what it considers to be inactive behavior. We’re a nation that rewards activism: If I’m talking, I’m doing something. Lots of times, if I’m not talking, people think nothing is taking place. But as long as I’m talking, I’m not learning anything. We can see it now, in our prevalence for listening to sound bites—we don’t like to pay attention to discourse or arguments. We’d rather talk, because if I can just talk, I’ll persuade you to my point-of-view (or if I can talk louder, or more or somehow diminish you as a person).

Let’s talk about how the Internet has affected our social discourse. Baptist blogger Wade Burleson points out that the Internet’s anonymity can cause Christians to say things “that would cause them to blush if associated with their names.”
I think the Internet should have been a great vehicle for effective communication, but in many ways it has turned out to be a curse. If I’m angry with you, I can turn and dash off a message. There’s no one to correct it or check it or anything else, and I can just say anything I want to and hit the button and it’s gone. And if I hit the wrong button, it’s gone to my whole network. I predicted that Wade’s chapter will be one of the most used because he sets down those 10 commandments for Christians using the Internet and how responsible we need to be. I get e-mails—and I’m sure you do—from Christians who are just absolutely shameful. If we were face-to-face, they would not dare say those things.

What is the ultimate danger of this kind of rhetoric among Christians?
Within my own denomination, the rhetoric is awful. I think we’ve seen the result of that. Groups break apart, and the work of missions and taking care of the poor doesn’t get done. It also leads to broken relationships and possibly to violence in some situations. I think there is a real danger that we can take some of these issues too far. If we don’t respect each other, then it calls into question our real Christianity. How can I disrespect you and still claim to be a Christian?

What else have you learned about civil discourse by working on this book?
Oh, listen. I have learned so much! I think Paul Raushenbush’s foreword just really provokes further thinking. And then you get over to Bishop Stacy Sauls outlining how difficult it has been for the Episcopal Church to come to agreement on many issues, and he says it’s simply a matter of maturity.

And in my own reading—you know, it’s amazing in reading the Bible that it doesn’t say now what I thought it said when I was a teenager or a young adult! But the words haven’t changed, so something else has to have changed, since it’s not the words. And that has to be that hopefully I’ve grown more and I’ve learned more.

In doing all of this I have learned to respect all of these various viewpoints from all these contributors. Someone recently said to me, “Now Mitch, you should have had a chapter on how Christians should treat non-believers.” And yet, we can’t even talk to ourselves in a civil way. I often ask myself, if I were a non-Christian, looking in on what’s going on in the various denominations, why would I want to join them?

By Robin Russell, Jan 8, 2010, The United Methodist Portal

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